


Caged

by orphan_account



Category: SHINee, SM Entertainment
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-12-02
Updated: 2012-12-02
Packaged: 2017-11-20 01:55:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/580020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The dorms had always been more like cages for us.  Sure, we're well-fed and well-groomed, but we're nothing more than circus animals, really.  They train us, clean us up, make us perform for an audience, then stow us away until we're needed again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Caged

     When we first debuted, we all slept in the same room. People thought it was quirky or cute, but they didn't know that we were just doing it for protection. My hyungs have always protected me. More often than not, they'd take the beatings I deserved. If I got too tired (and I often did in the early days) and my dancing was too sloppy, Minho hyung would step in the way of the swing that was meant for me. When my cheeks were too chubby, Key hyung was the one who starved, giving me his rations in secret. If I was ever off pitch, Jonghyun hyung took my lashes. Onew hyung always took the worst of it, though. As the leader, he wouldn't just take my beatings, but he'd try taking everyone else's, too. This isn't to say that the rest of us were never punished. The hyungs always just stalled mine, tired our trainers and managers out before they were able to get to me, so that I'd suffer less pain.

     There were times we had a break from all the stress of it. Filming shows like Yunhanam and Hello Baby, for instance. We were happier then. They gave us more freedom, so that we'd look like normal, fun loving boys. And were were, or rather, we tried to be. And I thought it was working. We all did. We thought we'd been good enough to have earned some freedom. Until they broke us.

     I wasn't sure whether or not they treated all the groups like this, but I found out when they got really angry at us, especially me. I think they were tired of my hyungs' protection over me or maybe they just got sick of my face (the one they'd forced me to change), but they took us all to the SM building to be disciplined.

     The subbasement was full of small rooms (you could call them cells) that I had never seen in all my years with the company. They shoved the other members into a larger cell. I was able to see some sheets and a toilet before they carted me away to a different room. My hyungs shouted for me, called my name out loud when they realized I wouldn't be staying with them. I reached back for them, but I was tugged away harder. They punched me in the ribs when I struggled to get back to them, knocking the wind out of my lungs with the force of the blow. I could hear them screaming for me over my quiet sobs as I was tossed into my own, separate cell.

     I was in that room alone for what must have been four or five days. The walls and floor were made of gray cement and completely bare. It was surprisingly clean, but no less uncomfortable. My toilet was clean, but the idea that it was there at all made me sick. It was verification that I wouldn't be allowed to leave the room and that scared me. I had no idea when we'd be let out or why we were even there at all. I knew we couldn't be staying long, though. I tried keeping track of how long I was there, but it was hard. I had no watch and there were no windows. I lost the concept of time rather quickly. Seconds felt like hours, the sounds the other captives made were maddening.

     The first day, I could hear the members still trying to call for me from down the hall. I heard others, too, their voices familiar. I was pretty sure I heard Eunhyuk hyung telling Jonghyun and Key to stop calling for me because they'd get in trouble. They did, of course. They were far too loud. I heard them get whipped, heard them scream and cry in pain, heard them whimpering and sobbing when they trainers were gone, but that didn't stop them from trying to call for me again in what I assumed was the dead of night. I cried along with them, curled up on my mattress, knees tucked into my chest as I tried to stifle my sobs. I didn't want them to hear that I was crying. They'd only worry more.

     My fear told me not to scream for them like I wanted to, not to try and break down the door like my body ached to. Amber must have been in the cell across from mine because I could hear her clearly, even though she spoke in a whisper. She was the one who told me to speak to them, so that they would at least know I was safe. I spoke as loud as I dared. I said their names and heard them begin to bang and claw at their door. Someone shushed them again and, thankfully, they listened. I told them that I was unharmed, and like Amber told me to, I asked them not to call for me again. She assured me that we'd all have to be released some time soon because our fans would start to worry about where we all were.

     Sadly, Amber's absence from f(x) was explained away. She was “gone for her health” and the other members continued their schedules without her. She had been locked away for going off to visit her sister without permission. This was her punishment for insubordination. I talked to her a lot when the trainers were gone. She was the only one I could speak to comfortably, and if we stood on our stools, we could look at each other through the bars above the door.

     Amber looked thin. Too thin. They were feeding us, but it obviously wasn't enough for her. Her normally rounded cheeks were sunken in and sallow. She had dark circles under her eyes and I wondered if they were purposely giving her less or depriving her of sleep. But her smile was warm and reassuring and I always found hope in her twinkling eyes.

     We were lonely. I missed my members and she missed hers. We talked about them, and even though I knew they were only a few doors down, I felt like they had never been further away. Sometimes, we'd chance a conversation with them when my longing for them got to be too much.

Sometimes I'd hear them crying and I wished I could be with my brothers. I wanted to join them in our sorrow, because at least then we would have been together. Amber helped me a lot, though. We became amazingly close. She comforted me when I cried, lulling me back to sleep when I had nightmares. Every night. She made me more comfortable in my little hell, made the claustrophobia more bearable because I knew she was there.

     I hated hearing her cry. She tried to hide it from me, but we'd become so in tune with one another in those few days that it wasn't hard to tell when she was stressed or sad or hurting. I heard her soft whimpers and tried cooing at her like she did for me, but it never worked the same. I had a suspicion that they may have been torturing her in some way, damaging her beyond repair. It hurt me to know she was going through it. She'd become so important to me in such a short time. She was so, strong, and so smart and brave, but she seemed like she was wearing down. She didn't deserve to be there with us. I vowed to protect her from all I could from the moment I first heard her sob in her cell, especially since she'd done so much for me without asking for a thing in return.

     She even helped me find a way to see my members. My cell was the easiest to break open. Amber knew because she was in mine before and broke it when she tried to escape several times. When they caught her, she got it bad. She wouldn't tell me how badly, but I could tell that whatever they did to her left an impression because of the way she spoke, how I could see her jaw tighten even in the dim lighting of the hall between our cells. She never tried leaving again and advised me against it as well.

     We figured, since I wouldn't be trying to actually leave, it'd be okay if I snuck out of the room every once in a while to take a peek at my hyungs and talk to them a little. The hinges on my door came off with some effort, and the lock didn't allow much of a gap to be made once they were off, but I was slim enough to slip through.

     The first time I did it, I was terrified. I waited until after my sponge bath, when I was sure the trainers wouldn't be back till breakfast, to try opening it. Amber talked me through it, hissing instructions on how to make less noise as I used the leg of my stool to hammer out the hinges. When I finally stepped out, I went to her door first and slid my fingertips under the crack. She giggled softly and touched them. Hers were cold and dry, but it was the first time I'd had friendly contact in days and it brought tears to my eyes.

     When she noticed that I was lingering a bit too long, she encouraged me to go on and find my hyungs. I shouldn't risk staying out too long in case a trainer came down to check on us. I remembered which door they had been thrown behind and I whispered to them.

     I heard Key's voice first. He called my name desperately and I shushed him. The other members were roused and they all gathered round the door. I lay flat on my belly and slipped my fingers through their door as I explained what I was doing. I heard them start to sniffle softly and they scrambled to reach out and touch the small part of me they could reach. Onew tried telling me to run, to save myself and be free. I couldn't do that, though. Amber had warned me against it and I believed her when she said I'd get caught. There was another reason, though. I couldn't leave without my brothers. Or Amber. She'd been keeping me so much company, keeping me sane. There's no way I could leave if I knew that they (and god knows who else was down there, suffering silently) were going to be left behind, probably punished worse because of me.

     They were shocked to find that this is where Amber had gone off to. When we heard from the other members of f(x) that she was going to be on a short hiatus, we had hoped the best, hoped she was actually home with her family recovering from the stress of working for SM, but it made more sense that she'd be down there. I didn't stay to chat long, knowing that a trainer might come down to do a random check on us. I bid my hyungs a goodnight and they all scrambled to kiss my fingers. I chuckled softly, tears streaming down my face as Kibum told me to make sure I was a good boy. Jonghyun told me to come back out whenever I could chance it and Minho reminded me to be careful about it. Onew just told me to get rest and to make sure I ate well, even though we knew the food was less than appetizing. I promised them all I'd do what they asked and I shuffled back down to my own cell quietly, stopping off at Amber's to say goodnight and feel her fingers brush lightly against mine again. Once I was back in my cell, I hammered the hinges back in, making as little sound as possible and settled into a more comfortable sleep than I'd had in days. Well, as comfortable as you could get on a threadbare mattress in a cold, 7X7 cell.

     I didn't risk going out the next night. I wasn't going to push my luck. The trainers came by, like they normally did to give us food and wash us. They didn't suspect anything when my door creaked a little more and I was relieved. After we were served our meager lunch of porridge and dried beef, I stood up on my stool to speak with Amber. She congratulated me and told me she missed being able to touch someone the way we had the night before. She poked her slender fingers through the bar by her cheek and wriggled them out as if reaching for me. I chuckled and did the same, watching her eyes light up as she giggled and I felt my heart start to race in my chest for reasons I couldn't really explain.

     I just knew that I liked watching her smile, hearing her faint giggles as her eyes crinkled and her nose scrunched in delight. It was almost like being free again.

     He came that night and wiped that smile away. It fell as soon as we heard his voice ringing through the hall, calling her name. I don't know how many times he visited her before, but I could tell she was afraid of him, her manager. She hurried off to put her stool in its proper place and I ducked down before he could see me.

     He spoke to her in a sickly sweet tone, calling her _sugar_. I curled my lip with disdain when she responded to it with a soft _Yes, Oppa_. I didn't like him. I didn't trust him in that cell with her and it killed me that I couldn't see what was going on inside. They dropped their voices to barely audible whispers and I had to strain to hear what was being said.

     He asked her if she was eating well, she hummed in affirmation. I narrowed my eyes at that. It was clear just from looking at her that she wasn't. He sounded pleased, however and continued to ask if she was being a good girl, asked her if she was washed thoroughly. Amber became frazzled after the last question. I could tell it made her uncomfortable just by the way her breathing quickened slightly, the way she tripped over her words in answer. I felt blood boil in my veins when he said that was good, that _he liked a clean pussy_. She squeaked. A small, sad little sound that caught in her throat and shattered my thundering heart to pieces.

     I screamed then. It was a bad idea and I knew it, but I finally understood why Amber seemed so broken. Because she was. And that man was responsible. I wanted to rip my door off and get her away from him, but the trainers were roused by my shouting and they came running to my cell. The members heard me, too, assuming I'd been hurt. We were all punished, but Amber was safe and that's what mattered to me. Her manager left when they came down and I felt like I'd done something right. It helped me get through the pain of the whip that lashed at my naked ass and bit into my flesh. It was all worth the burning sting as I curled on my side that night, listening to by brothers sob in their cell, just to hear her say _thank you_.


End file.
